Tuesday, July 26, 2005

On Your Behalf, Read Your Email More Carefully

2 entries found for "Career Limiting Move".

ca·reer lim·it·ing move

1. Turning down a "free burrito"
2. Company-wide "reply-all" thanking the wrong person for their service prior to their departure

Friday, July 22, 2005

I Get Knocked Down...But, I Get Back Up Again





Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Backfill

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Monday, July 11, 2005

Twas the night after one particular resignation

Twas the night after one particular resignation

When all through the engineering pit,
Not a machine was humming; Not even a bit.
It's 5 PM, and happy hour has started.
Nobody seems too shocked the boss has parted.

As the last managers nestled down with their beers,
Visions of what was to be soon stoked their fears.
With the sales pipeline in question,
And engineers leaving by mere suggestion.

When out of nowhere spoke the sunken man.
"What have you done while executing your plan"?
"Company moral is at an all-time low",
"And we have zero cash flow".

As he stumbled across the room; tequila shot in hand.
"Investors have lost interest; what happened to customer demand"?
But nobody listened as he was long ago a discounted man.
So he just stood there pouting and kicking imaginary sand.

"Now listen here you pain in the ass"!
"Why do you sit there acting so crass"?
"You have just a few months left to start making money".
"Else you'll have to go back begging to your honey".

"The next round is on me so you keep your precious opex".
"But you better change your ways before you have no techs".
"Now... I'm off to visit my favorite waitress".
"So I'll leave you to broil in your self-induced stress".

With that he turned sharply and headed west.
Still feeling he knew what was really best.
And I heard him exclaim, ere he strolled out of sight.
I wish I could have at least told my own directs good night.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

One tequila two tequila three tequila floor...

Press Release--July 5, 2005
In a surprising move to increase risk, reduce profitability, and streamline customer disatisfiers, it was announced today that the sales and engineering teams would be further pared down. This move additionally seeks to further secure over indulgent executive salaries and bonus payouts on net negative sales. It is anticipated that following this announcement, more efforts will be made to prevent migration for the existing customer base by limiting backward compatibility, and added efforts will be put in place to maintain a dynamic road map where the top three target deliverables change in priority on an hourly basis.